FatePosted: November 12, 2009
For the longest time, I’ve been trying to find some indisputable proof that things happen for a reason, and that there’s some purpose in everything we do. Maybe I just can’t comprehend, or want to justify the fact that in the past, I have known to be a lazy sod. I really used to believe in fate, though, and I still wish I did. Perhaps I still do, but am deluding myself, or perhaps I’m deluding myself that I’m deluding myself about fate. This is confusing. The way brains work scare me, in a way, especially my own brain. Suffice to say, I’m quite a Romantic; at least, I think I am, or I once was. Eh. I think I may need to reassess my life, a bit.
Today has been a strange day. I went to a lecture on ‘digital marketing’, which happened to be, in reality, a lecture on how Google AdWords can be used as a tool for market research. It was interesting nonetheless. After this, I returned home, and found another rejection e-mail waiting for me in my inbox, from another advertising agency. I think this is where the ‘fate’ thing comes in. I really think I’m trying to avoid the truth that really, I am a rather unemployable person. This exact same thing happened to me last year, with numerous rejections from numerous employers. I approached my applications with new vigour and insight this year, however. My applications last year were rather bland and generic, in a, “Give me a job, I have a degree from a good university, and have some extra-curricular experience,” kind of way. This year, then, I decided to give them the ‘real me’. I’m not sure how many of you have met the ‘real’ me, but he seems to manifest himself best in my writing, I believe. In fact, this actually may not be the ‘real’ me at all, but a persona I have manufactured of how I’d like to be perceived. Whatever the case, it seems that me, including the ‘real’ me, and what may or may not be the ‘real me’ isn’t all that employable either. Grumble.
After this, I received another e-mail informing me that my first ‘proper’ assignment, the one mentioned in my last blog post, had been marked and was ready for collection. I then went to pick it up, after toying with my option of picking it up today, or tomorrow, after my lecture. Being impatient, I chose to pick it up today. Now, I wish not for this blog to turn into a personal diatribe of my every move and thought, in fear of putting off what few readers I already have. Suffice to say, I barely passed. I met many of my peers outside the admin office as well, who were in a very similar position. I am taking this up with the management.
On my way back home, feeling slightly deflated, I ran into my old seminar tutor, for my ‘Writing the Novel’ course last year. You know, the one who really turned me into a writer. The one who told me my writing isn’t unfit for human consumption. Great guy. He seemed well. Again, the thought dawned on me that, very uncharacteristically of myself, I picked my current degree based on what seemed logical, and not what I’m passionate about. I made this man write my reference for my current degree. Before he did, he told me that he believes the world of business would push me even further towards my writing, as a form of escape. I think he was right.
It’s funny how things line up like they do. Maybe there is, and maybe there isn’t some sort of fate that controls everything in the universe. Then again, if these notions of fate drive us to do good things, and make us strive to better ourselves, is there any point debating its existence?
I don’t know, but I’m off to work on a story.